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Tuesday, February 7, 2017

NarCAN or NarCAN'T?

what do you think?


Friday, December 16, 2016


You made it thru this..

and don't forget..

"La vie commence de l'autre côté du désespoir."
-Jean Paul Sartre

Friday, October 14, 2016


Happy 5.4 Lisabiroot :D
don't listen to any incoherent ramblings of lonely cynics trapped in their own cycle. This site is about how you broke your cycle! You know the truth of how difficult that was and I couldn't be more proud of anyone :) thank you for sharing all of your vulnerabilities with the world, most people are too chicken sh!t to do that..

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Can you hear me now. By Christi Finney Olsen

When I became part of CDA, it wasn’t for my own gain, it still isn’t. I became part of this so that people would hear my side of the story and maybe not feel so alone. All too often the addicts get to tell their stories and no one hears from the family, friends, wife, husband, child, etc. Lisa and Ian encourage me to tell and share my story and for them I will be forever grateful, without them I may have snapped. People need support, to feel as though someone can empathize, understand, help them through. I have been feeling like I am not reaching out enough to let these people know I am here and I get it. What if there was someone in my community that needed my help? How do they find me? How do they know I am here? Would they have reached out? My heart aches that souls are lost. What if a horrible tragedy could have been avoided just by this person realizing he was not alone? What if I had stopped and asked this person how they were doing instead of waving and just walking by? Everyone has issues, problems, things that happen behind closed doors that aren’t discussed. Not everyone is dealing with an addict in their home. Not everyone can handle it on their own, and not many of them reach out or ask for help. There’s a lot of shame and hiding. We sweep things under the rug, when we are out in public we put on a smile and make everyone think we are doing just fine. It’s not until we are alone, and know we are alone, that we break down. It doesn’t have to be this way! You are not alone! There are so many of us in this world, country, state, city…… there is no reason to suffer in silence. Be heard, start a blog, talk to someone close to you, email me and ask for a shoulder to cry on. Do not let this build up inside until you snap. It’s a process, writing has helped me speak out and get things off my shoulders. I am growing every day. This week my community suffered a horrific tragedy and loss of life that affected my children, many of my neighbors and friends and me. It might have been avoided if this person had reached out for help. It weighs on me tonight as I write that I might have been able to help this person. Now, I will never know. How could I have known? In memory of Max 2007-2013 Written by Christi Finney Olsen

Friday, March 27, 2015


110,000 people have visited this site. Thank you. It makes me feel like I'm not alone :)

I've had more experiences than one person deserves, more lives than I should have had. I see people, endless lines of people, each living different lives, each making different choices, and I see myself in all of them. Or maybe I see them all in myself, how one simple act or decision could have left me on the same path that they're on, and how simple decisions drew me away from their path. Life is much more than poetic bullshit, and at the same time that's all it ever is. My life, my poetic bullshit.

I tell myself things to make me feel good, to make me feel special, because I am a narcissist. We all are. Maybe it's actually the truth that makes us special, not the lies that we tell ourselves. I like to tell myself that I'm special because many people who have lost themselves to heroin remain lost, but maybe the truth is that their not lost, just making different decisions, and taking different paths. I give myself accolades for making the choice to not use, but I don't hear many people who have never used standing upon soap boxes declaring themselves victors. Where are the accolades for the people who never made the choice to deviate from the path of sobriety? Do they have some sort of support group where they tell tales of how they were once offered an escape and denied it, where everyone sits in a circle congratulating them on their strength? Sobriety-Anonymous? 

The truth is that I'm not special, I was stupid, arrogant, weak. Now I crown myself victorious for conquering my own demons just like everyone else does everyday.  I defeated my own stupidity, somebody give me a fucking medal. Somebody notice that I'm special, because I see lines of people who are much more special than me, and I need my badge of narcissism. 

I set myself adrift on the tides of fate, so I may blame others for my mistakes. 

Poetic bullshit.